How Astrology helped boost my self-esteem
Astrology is way more than "I'm a Cancer, I'm so emotional," or "I'm a Sagittarius, I am a deep thinker." Western astrology only explains our sun sign, however, we all harness the energies of every zodiac sign. Our natal chart shows us where these energies are active in our lives and the planets tell us how we deal with the energies. There are also stars, comets, and other celestial objects that effect us all. Let's talk about Chiron, the orbiting comet that represents the wounded healer. The placement of Chiron in our natal charts reveal where we may feel inadequate in life and how we express the feelings of low self-worth. It's almost like whatever area it falls in on your chart is the area you always feel you have to show your self-worth. We usually end up overcompensating in these areas and it makes us feel even more self-conscious.
The placement of Chiron in my chart reveals that I have always struggled with expressing myself because I felt unable to properly communicate. People with the same placement as me usually have some sort of speech impediment, social anxiety, a learning disability, lack of education, or actually have been told as a child they weren't intelligent. Fun fact, when I tried out for the radio station in college, the owner said I had a lisp - which I never realized. I really do struggle with saying some words and just be like, damn. It's like my tongue really would get in the way. I never realized that was an issue, tho.
The biggest thing for me was that I struggled with social anxiety and would often feel inadequate when talking with my peers because I couldn't express the ideas in my head concisely. I wouldn't necessarily feel like I was dumber than my peers, but I felt like when I spoke I couldn't explain myself properly because I had trouble with words. I would shy away from talking in large groups or sharing my point of view because I just knew it wouldn't come out right. I would admire people who could express themselves so easily, and that admiration turned into self-loathing and low self-esteem. I used to say it was me be shy, but I wasn’t ever really shy. I knew what I knew but the anxiety of trying to express myself would make me shy away from speaking up.
My Chiron aspects my moon and the moon represents emotions. I also struggled with expressing my emotional needs. I would pour my feelings out to someone in an attempt to decompress and immediately feel guilty for sharing because I felt like I was burdening them with my emotional baggage. I would hide behind humor or change the subject quickly to avoid me having to express myself anymore. Other factors in my chart also reveal why I had emotional s blockage as a child.
The thing about it, though, is that I've always felt intelligent, or at least I had a valid opinion on things. I had to learn how to speak my truth in my own way. I've learned that I communicate better through non-verbal means like writing and photography and being creative. I began writing more often which helped me learn how to put words together. I used to write letters to people expressing how I felt. Now, I actually feel more comfortable talking to people, participating in public speaking, and having intellectual conversations because I can talk as if I'm writing. Chiron told me to use my gifts to heal my wounds. Even photography allowed me to express my emotions in a way that I've never been able to. Looking back at old photos I've done, I can see the emotion in the editing. Some were bright, colorful and vivid, while others were darker and more contrasty. I even had a period of just black and white photography which I'd probably say was the time in my life where I was trying to find my voice and my style.
Alright, so not only did Chiron help me understand why I was feeling the way I was, it also showed me I had to use my strengths to give power to my inadequacies. Let's give it up for astrology!
If you're wanting to dive a little deeper into your what's and why's, book a natal chart reading here.
Love and Light, MuthaFuckas! 💋🤞🏽